i have schizoid tendencies and i do identify with what you are saying. i dont often feel lonely. my son comes to my house now and then, thankfully cause he takes the trash out for me, lol, but it is like, he will "hang out" with me and the whole time i think, "what the hell is he still here for? why hasnt he left yet?" even when my other child has come to visit who i hadnt seen for years as she was overseas and she only stopped in for a couple visits, but after an hour or so i cant focus any longer cause my mind is spinning wondering when she is going to leave. it is not that i dont love my kids, i often feel so guilty that i dont have a bond because of these schizoid traits. they had so much fun making fun of me in their teens, hugging on me till i had a panic attack.

i am working on establishing relationships, i want them to be important, and i see friends with family and wonder why that is so hard for me, it looks so simple. and if i try to make plans with them and i am rejected because they are already committed to a family event, i cant comprehend what is so important about that family event that they have to be there when they see those people so often. i just dont get it.