urgh, i cringed reading your post. I felt a wave of anxiety rushing over. because I too feel the same way whenever I have piles. for me it reminds me of the anxiety that bares upon my consciousness. even though I know I have to do it, it reminds me of my other life goal failures. especially when it is something significant like court, paying my car payment or paying my loans for my unfinished degree. and then it brings me to the surface of the very same reason why I do not want to do these things.