My sister and BIL have been married for 48 years. Both of them would say they have a deeply loving marriage. She clearly loves and depends upon him; he obviously adores her. Throughout all the years of their marriage my BIL teases my sister and calls her names like "the old crow". He has always teased her. She finds it amusing and cute (she has no lack of self-worth, that's for sure) . If I were in her shoes I would be completely distraught. I post this just because it popped into my mind when reading your posts, PianogirlPlays.

I strongly suspect that your husband thinks he's being funny and that his "humor" will garner acceptance from others. What he isn't realizing is that his "comedy" most likely makes people very uncomfortable, and even causes people to dislike him, or not respect him as much as they might if he spoke highly of you. It sounds like your husband is an insecure person. If I were you I would gently (but firmly) bring up these points with him.

It's great that you have a counselor to talk this over with. I would be cautious about screaming ABUSE, though. Not because it is not abuse or bullying (because to me, it is), but because your husband might believe that he's showing affection to you or just being funny. I don't know him, so I can't tell for sure.

Whatever the case is, you needn't feel guilty for feeling hurt about the way your spouse treats you. Goodness, no. You don't like his behavior toward you, he continues it. That, to me, is just mean.