Thanks guys. I had to call T again last night - totally unrelated subject - my son - it was a business call. Well after that I had a major anxiety attack. I thought I was going to die. I took something for the anxiety. In last nights call to T I asked him to call me back because I need information from him - I am wondering if when he calls back should I metion the anxiety attack? I don't think that he will be happy that I took something for the anxiety - it was self medication - he doesn't like it when I do that and I haven't done it in a long long time. But I didn't know what else to do. I really should have let him know where I am at before I got to this point. I just didn't expect to get here so quick. I am not sure what to do now. I don't want to call him again - already it has been 2 times in 2 days can't do a third - I would be afraid he wouldn't see me anymore. I don't know I am falling apart. I so tried to keep it together. Maybe I shouldn't try and keep it together with him. I want him to like me, so I don't always want to be such a mess with him. God - I hate this!!!!