(((((HUG)))))))

When you said that you are not the type of Bipolar II to cycle, do you mean that you are stable on your meds or else stable without?

I ask only because if you are not stable, it will be hard for you to deal with any of this other stuff. It's pretty hard to work on self esteem (or anything) in the midst of a deep depression for example.

I'm happy that you are able to see your therapist as well later this week as it sounds like you could use some support right now.

The zero confidence, expectations of rejection and envy are all things that can be worked on and overcome with time and a good therapist.

Your worth as a human being does not depend on your being in a relationship. Your worth is for who YOU are, not who you are with. The whole world isn't judging you... I know this because I know I certainly wouldn't do so, and I'll bet the other people on this board wouldn't either. Anyone who does judge you is not worth your time.

If you expect to be rejected, it makes rejection more likely. You can change that. As for the envy... I really hear the pain in what you have written and my heart goes out to you.

I hate feeling envy. I don't get it often, but when I do I feel like crap. It sucks. Envy can be overcome. I would look at working to get that out of your life as soon as possible. It is poison and it is not helping you. Have you discussed this with your therapist?

You are not a failure. You are here reaching out for help and you are being very honest about things that many people would not have the courage to admit to themselves, let alone to other people. The fact that you are here tells me that you are not a failure at all. You are someone with problems (like the rest of us) who is trying to get better.

You are no more a failure than any of the rest of us. We are all here because we struggle.

Identifying your problems is the first step to making positive changes. The next step is to make a plan. Then build or gather supports and start making those changes. You've already started :-)

I hope when you do date, you never settle for someone you don't like or who treats you poorly. You deserve much better than that.