I am happy to have found this forum and this post. I would like to share my story as I had a schizophrenic/shamanic experience. It was truly awe inpsiring and changed me forever.

About two years ago, I was working at a commercial reality firm on the executive floor as a receptionist. I had been there for three years, and being in that position was at times degrading and killing my soul, for lack of better words. I was trying to do the responsible thing by finding another position before leaving and my efforts became more and more frantic. I had a lot of free time to read and at that time I was reading Shamanic Spirit, The Gospel of Mary Magdalene, reasearching spirituality and religion and watching movies like What the Bleep Do We Know.

I remember the day when things started. I was in the bathroom at work, and being on the 45th floor we had an amazing view from there. I stared a long time into the sky. After awhile I started to see shining flying particles zooming about everywhere. It was so beautiful, I began to cry.

When I left the bathroom, I decided at that moment to leave this place for good as the social pressures of the environment were not holistic to my soul. I asked one of the executives I had connected with in my time there, to lunch; which I never had done before, and told him I was leaving. After lunch I put my things in a box and told my supervisor this was not a positive place for me. It was met with much negativity, understandable as this was drastic, yes. However when I got into my car, I screamed what I could only call a primal roar, I was finally free. I felt exhilarated and renewed.

That week I felt as though I was on a journey. I saw symbols and connections in everything. I began to write in my journal word associations that popped into my mind. Everything was connected and there was a greater purpose to everything I saw and did. I felt as though I was just following a path, and there was something larger leading me.

I set up an altar in the spare room of my apartment with different objects that meant something to me at this point in my life. The night I set up my altar I chose clothing to wear that reminded me of the women whom I admired. I wore it to a performance of a local band. I chose a black and white striped tunic and red & black Chinese styled shirt. When I arrived to the club there was a strong smell of skunk, friends of mine not in the state I was in recall this. It was odd as we were in the city. A stranger at the bar said to me "You have great potential". At that moment, I knew he was the embodiment of the dark side. During my journey I did feel as though I had power, but realized it could easily be used for evil.

When the band began, the lead singer came out with dyed bright red hair and was wearing the same colors as I, along with the black and white stripes. They made me think of the skunk. During the performance I felt so much energy inside me, I had to continually stretch and move. There were times I spoke in tongues. Later on the police came and sat outside with their lights, almost interrupting the performance, not sure why they were there. I talked with the singer and another friend after the performance. She pointed to the three buttons on my tunic, counting aloud: one, two, three. I thought of the three of us, as some sort of magic circle, that our union would be a powerful one. I declined the thought right away, as I knew this wasn't the purpose of my journey.

I had experiences in the bath when I spoke in tongues. I felt as though there was an ancient presence with me when I was in the water. There was so much energy inside me, speaking in this way was releasing it.

Walking in the city, I felt the earth's presence and sensed the atrocities that man was inflicting on nature, I felt power and at times felt the dark side calling me to bring buildings down. I felt the feminine of the earth, having these enlarged penises raping her soil. I heard sirens more often than usual and was aware of them. I thought of my friend who was hit by an ambulance in her car. She very sweet, connected to life, progressive and very youthful for her age of 60. She has breast cancer now. I kept my eye out while crossing the street. I felt as though I should not drive as the earth wanted me walking on her ground, when I did drive, my car sputtered as if almost threatening to breakdown. So I walked.

For a brief period of time, I forgot about personal hygiene, and relished in being natural and untouched.

I would read the paper and understand everything, it's words showing the connection of everyone and how I could see pieces of my existence in their pages. USA Today was the paper of choice for me.

I saw Men in Black during two occasions. They were nameless, solo figures, all too plain. I went to purchase a hanging basket for Mother's Day with my fiance. Behind the aisle of plants I saw him watching, obviously not interested in buying anything, but odd and out of place. We talked with the cashier, she mentioned the weather, I looked up at the sky and the clouds began to go dark. At that moment, I felt as though I had an effect on the oncoming storms. I felt as though I did that to let the man in our presence know he should be wary. I didn't feel overly threatened just aware he was there to watch. We went to lunch with a friend and I saw another man sitting at the table alone, not eating just sitting with a glass of iced tea. He was very similar to the man earlier. Wearing sunglasses inside the restaurant, appearing to be very out of place and just watching. This day made me think of the JFK assassinations.

My entire journey lasted about a week. I had both amazing moments of clarity and awe as well as ominous moments showing the dark side. Through it all I felt as though I was able to resist the temptation of being lost forever, and I did have the support of my finance and friends. However, talking with them now they say how scary it was to see me, and everything they knew of me was gone. I can understand why without a support group how people can be greatly discriminated against in a schizophrenic/shamanic journey. It's been two years and while maybe someday I'll journey there again, I know now what must be in place to have a worthwhile experience.

It was by far the most awe inspiring week of my life. We know so little and what we do know, humans choose to make negative something that can be so beautiful wondrous. To be strong, is to not allow this society and reality inhibit who you are at the most primordial level and to stop feeling guilty because someone says you should. These experiences can help a person grow at light speed, but it is important to enter without fear, knowing there is a greater purpose to it all and not allow the ego to take over for its selfish purposes.

I am thankful for this forum to share my experiences