I would like to share my journal that I wrote after my t appointment. Yes it took a while to write, since my brain isn't 100%.

With bipolar I think it makes me more creative though. I enjoy doing arts and crafts. I also enjoy supporting people and I think with having bipolar I can better understand where people are coming from. It also makes me more caring, when I’m not depressed. I want to share with people how to become stable, which I have done in the past, and am working on now. I think with making changes to my diet, taking my meds, and supplements, I can get stable again. I also think therapy will play a role in this. I think with the right type of therapy, stability is an actual option. By stable I mean feeling the proper amount of emotion about things. No crazy mania or debilitating depression, just normal. I think I can get there, with hard work, if I put the effort into it. The next question is, am I really ready to accept my challenges and make changes to them. I’ve accepted that I have bipolar, I just need to do something about it now. I think if I get rid of the negativity I have towards the bipolar, I will be able to become more compassionate towards it. I will probably have more compassion in general if I do that. Would be nice to be able to get rid of all the negativity. Been negative about bipolar for so long and never realized I can use it for my advantage. There is a battle going on in my mind which hopefully the positive side will talk some sense into the negative side and my brain will work right. I think for there to be a truce I need my pink side to flourish and remind the blue side that everything is ok and things will work out for the better. Part of the problem is that I put a lot of my self worth into working but I can't work right now so I need to take this time to get better and work on myself. I think if I can love myself better I'll be able to achieve more in life. I know I will be able to work in the future, once I am stable for a while. Probably not in a stressful job, but I’ll be able to do something. Right now, I should focus on doing arts and crafts and things that soothe me. I just need to find the motivation to do them. Blue is saying it’s a waste of time and I’m not good at them, but I know that’s a lie. I am good at them and I know I could make some money doing them. I just need to set some time every day to do something.

I just need to get my brain straight and it’s mostly there. I think with a few more med tweaks I’ll be good to go. I can feel the fog lifting some with the lowered lamictal. Just need to be careful, don’t want to spiral out of control again. Pink is saying this time will be different if I do have a crisis though and I’ll be able to handle it better, since I know I need to reach out at the first warning signs, instead of waiting till I’m in crisis.