I have two internationally adopted daughters who were 14 months and 8 months when they became mine, so definitely not the same as an older child, but we have dealt with some attachment problems. From what I know it seems your needs a therapist who specializes in attachment disorder. That may be difficult if you live in a somewhat rural area. It's going to be a long road and I want to send you strength for this journey. Try looking at the AttachChina (i know he's not from China but will be relevant anyway) website for list of attachment specialists. Prayers for you all