I don't think so. I don't care about my future at all, I just want out constantly. It's different than before. I don't want anything in the future, no plans or dreams or goals. Just out. I don't care about finishing school or anything. I never thinj about thingsI want out of my life, just that I don't want it anymore, I don't want another Christmas or another spring. I don't care at all about having a good or happy life, about recovering or about anything. It feels too late. I'm afraid to admit this aloud.

I've felt this worsening for awhile, I was afraid to tell my ex-T because I was so desperately terrified of her abandoning me. It was already so bad at XMas that I was happy to need the gallbladder surgery because I thought the physical pain might destract me from the pain of day after day of a life I don't want.

But I think I want to know I'm worth help anyway.