Happy enough, love my summer job. Cutting grass to wheeling cement doesn't bother me. Compared to heavy duty mechanics and welding, it's like a holiday. It's in the 30's now. Highest is 34 degrees. It's awesome sitting there few smokes and then working like crazy when the cement truck comes. Eventually it gets too hot where I pour my water bottle over me. Last week I did that like every 10 minutes so I got a hair cut. My mom is the boss and manages housing and income for the elderly and low income single mothers etc.

That English course was stressing me out but I have no time so I can stop thinking about it for now and enjoy August because before I know it, it's -40 in a snow blizzard..

While my dad is making 1k a day and got a promotion as the manager or something of a gold mining company in Argentina. I don't really text him anymore. He's changed a lot since I last seen him in Guatemala. He seems to be less emotional and said that he was suicidal after my family split into pieces.

He flies everywhere. Seeing my grandad (On my moms side) before he died and shook his hand and granted him some extra time from his life to him which is just a nice gesture and went back to what ever country. He flew back again and went to his funeral that I missed from being inpatient. My grandmother (Moms side of the family as well) walked the isle with my dad during the funeral. My step dad was there as well. Weird I guess. He visited the hospital that I stayed at, met the inpatient psychiatrist and we went on a day pass because I was stable enough.

He says that he can't visit with me and my little sister when he promised that he would come because it's just a 4 hour drive. He did this so many times that my little sister says "I don't care. I don't want to see him". No daughter at her age should say that ever. She needs a father in her life. I can't stay mad at him. I change my views every so often. It's really hard that what ever my dad does, I remember the past and I still love him like my mom lying to me when saying that I wouldn't win in court to get my step dad banned from Canada and probably the US when it was extremely likely. She chose him over me. What ever.

He bought a Harley and wanted to take us to BC in his car but probably just wanted to drive there himself to meet his friends. He plans on buying a 120k yacht. I don't even know if he cares about me anymore. It's paranoia but maybe it isn't. I haven't finished high school and can't go back to being a student or meds won't be paid for but I will after approval and a middle finger due to their insanity.

He won't pay child support so I'll have to give some disability income to my mom. But what ever I don't care about the money. She can have it. She has my bank card, doesn't trust me.. I don't know what has happened to me.

Funny part is that both parents say that I'm their favourite out of my siblings? Wtf. Crazy just crazy.

We would always cry when he left to Singapore, Indonesia etc. laughed at us like when he talked about him dying.

*Trigger warning* (Because avoiding a trigger and not facing your fears works like OCD in making it more difficult. I don't see the difference).

Then I find out that he was given 6 years to live when I was 4. I would have been 10. But he has rare genetics to fight off the * from sharing * or something. I can't believe the blood in the kitchen before he left. He lost his mind. We could have caught the * as there was broken glass everywhere from throwing the microwave threw the window and poured his liquor down the drain by smashing them off the sink cuz he didn't want my step dad drinking it. I think the cure now is an 80k pill or something. The gene is rare and I'm probably immune as well. Eastern Europe in some certain areas. He was being tested on in a lab to help with the cure. Imagine that.. That's why I would never kill myself if I got life in prison. On the news at the moment, a guy that got life in prison for weed will be released next month. Too bad he was 20 years in.. But better than life in prison.

I have memories of completely breaking down on the floor instantly out of no where and crying about him not being there for me, hating my step dad, my life where my own mother lied to me promising that she wouldn't move in with him or vice versa.

The Abilify should be at it's peak? Idk. I think it's three months and with Prozac it's 6 months.

3-4 days ago, I haven't been taking any Prozac, Cogentin or Abilify 10mg Oral because I need an appointment with my psychiatrist which is tomorrow. I seem pretty stable right now but I had to split the dosages of Concerta or I'd be sleeping deeply right now and not waking up in the middle of the night like most so I'm not complaining but it just doesn't last long enough so he'll give me 3 or 2.5 or take a Ritalin in the evening idk. I know he will based on how amazing the dual treatment in ADHD and obvious cognitive impairment from meds, stopping meds, or brain damage from the accidental 46mg Klonopin OD, etc. Just something. Also fatigue.

I have a few friends that smoke weed. I want to try and practise having insight in psychosis safely but it seemed like the Abilify wasn't even there.