Perhaps your therapist felt she was being honest answering a very direct question from you about the relationship between the two of you, but I have to say that I think she failed to explain further, to open the topic to a eye opening, helpful discussion. Yes, I think that our guardedness can cause our therapists to feel left out, left behind, shut out, excluded and/or abandoned in the relationship. But I'd have a hard time believing that this is most of the time. I'm sad that she didn't go on to elaborate about what's happening between the two of you when she's feeling disconnected and what's going on between the two of you when she's feeling connected. What is being said or how are you behaving when she feels shut out? When are the times when she felt that you let her in and connected with her--what are you saying or what are you doing that fosters the connection. She needed to be more specific.

My last therapist said something similar to me that really hurt me and caused me to withdraw. Like you, I felt the beginning of a connection. I began to trust that she really heard me on a deep level. I opened up to the ugliness that dwelled deep inside of me--a well of self-hatred that is vast and very ugly. I wanted her to see that part of me, to understand just how crippling it was to me because it lives inside of me like a separate entity that never sleeps. Her comment was, "It's very hard to listen to you when you're talking about yourself in such a self-loathing way." I was like WTF!? I actually said or thought that inside; I didn't speak it aloud because I immediately pulled back and realized that she wasn't able to handle that part of myself. It made her uncomfortable and her comment made me believe that she didn't want to hear it or examine it. There was no attempt on either of our parts to clarify that situation and consequently, the tenuous connection that was beginning to bloom between us died on the vine. Another missed opportunity.

I'm glad you feel that the two of you will be able to work this through. That is such a great way to view what happened. It might be helpful to be brave enough to tell her how you were hurt by what she said and asking her to clarify a bit more about what's happening between the two of you that causes the disconnect (from her perspective) and what's happening between the two of you during those times that she feels connected. Ask her to be specific with real life examples of both times. Then, you can talk about your perspective of those times. I think it might lead to such a powerful moment between the two of you! Good luck.