hello everyone

I desperately need to listen others opinion on my situation.
I had sexual abuse at the age of 10 by my father until 15 when I run out from home using excuse to start my bachelor in other city. Since then I live alone. However that was just beginning of the story. I am gay. After running from home, I was supposed to share apartment with a friend with whom I was in love. Unfortunately he died in car accident during the first month I moved. I got in car accident myself after 2 months and spend 1,5 months in comma, and my parents and sisters did not even visit me, only my mom came for 2 days and left. After that I did not date any guy 7 years. I had to work at nights and study to pay for education, I graduated with donors and started my masters and my career in very competitive job. I could find energy to lose 30kg which I gained after car accident. I was kidnapped and had attempt for trafficking by my "employer", but I could manage to run, having 40 dollars in pocket.
After 4 years I moved to USA and earned my second masters in one of the best universities. After that I moved to Europe and started well paid job.
However, all my relationships end dramatically, last one was with a guy who lied me one year that he was married with another guy who was in one year business trip. The others find me very handsome and interesting, but at the end everyone wants sex. I lost all my friends moving around so much. I don't like my job. I don't like the country, but after 11 years of living alone I have no energy to move on. I feel desperate, I don't like anything in my life, I am not loved, nobody cares about me, I want to kill myself very often, I can't sleep, I am tired of meeting new people and tell my stories and then get disappointed again and again...

I am lost... nothing makes me happy anymore