Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccer mom
I'm pretty much done. I'm considering this Day 1 of "Therapy Anonymous". It's the only painful thing in my life right now. Yikes! I was so happy tonight and haven't thought about my T. much at all. It's like a weight has been lifted. She kept asking me "what is going right for you" and I couldn't answer her. I was so deep in the woods that I kept thinking of everything wrong and oh poor me. Not now.
I plan to go 7 weeks and see. I can't imagine it getting any worse but you never know. At that point, I hope to report that I don't need therapy anymore and will only contact her if something comes up. I need to be done for awhile and I'm really excited about getting to this point. I've already changed so much that others notice so I will be even better without therapy always in my head.
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I'm so sorry
When I was deciding to leave T1 (reasons similar to yours), it felt like a process in itself:
1) Between session feelings of anger, resentment, and pain
2) Deciding to leave T
3) Leaving T
4) Relief that T can't be lost or taken from me anymore. Biggest fear realized. He's gone.
5) Waves of severe grief. Things in my life aren't going well, and I don't have him to turn to. I hear a song that reminds me of him on the radio, then feel sad. The pre-session excitement and nerves are no more. Agony that the thought of him is no longer a 'safe place' in my mind, and instead take up a painful space.
6) The internal image I have of him is fading. Feelings of emptiness take over. Thoughts of him are met with ambivalence.
7) Melancholy/minor depression
8) Rebuilding. Starting to feel like myself... before therapy. Only stronger.
It's really, really hard but it gets better
Going through a smaller version of this with T2. Also not sure what to do moving forward.