Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine K
I'm so sorry 
When I was deciding to leave T1 (reasons similar to yours), it felt like a process in itself:
1) Between session feelings of anger, resentment, and pain
2) Deciding to leave T
3) Leaving T
4) Relief that T can't be lost or taken from me anymore. Biggest fear realized. He's gone.
5) Waves of severe grief. Things in my life aren't going well, and I don't have him to turn to. I hear a song that reminds me of him on the radio, then feel sad. The pre-session excitement and nerves are no more. Agony that the thought of him is no longer a 'safe place' in my mind, and instead take up a painful space.
6) The internal image I have of him is fading. Feelings of emptiness take over. Thoughts of him are met with ambivalence.
7) Melancholy/minor depression
8) Rebuilding. Starting to feel like myself... before therapy. Only stronger.
It's really, really hard but it gets better 
Going through a smaller version of this with T2. Also not sure what to do moving forward. |
I think maybe I've known for awhile this may happen. I still haven't cried and feel pretty good. Perhaps I'm not there because I haven't walked out for the final time. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just keep spacing until I don't go anymore or I'll just go to someone else. I just feel really good right now putting all of this behind me. Instead of reading therapy books and online, I'm going to read parenting books and concentrate on my kids. When I get a pang, I take a deep breath and it goes away. Maybe I'm just pushing her away as a defense but I think some defenses are there for a reason. All I know is I'm ok.