Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccer mom
I think maybe I've known for awhile this may happen. I still haven't cried and feel pretty good. Perhaps I'm not there because I haven't walked out for the final time. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just keep spacing until I don't go anymore or I'll just go to someone else. I just feel really good right now putting all of this behind me. Instead of reading therapy books and online, I'm going to read parenting books and concentrate on my kids. When I get a pang, I take a deep breath and it goes away. Maybe I'm just pushing her away as a defense but I think some defenses are there for a reason. All I know is I'm ok.
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You are ok
Or, you will be.
I think it's great that you are brave enough to do what needs to be done, even though it's really hard. I got to a point with T1 that I thought - how much more suffering am I willing to take? Leaving might be a defense - or you may be leaving a toxic situation. Only you know.
Having it happen again with T2, I realize it's a pattern that I just need to be conscious about managing, perhaps my entire life. But I don't think everyone needs to work everything through in therapy. The idea of 'the process' is perpetuated by the very people that profit from it. The work needs to come from inside us, and sometimes a book, idea or inspiration is just as good.
Keep in mind, seven weeks is a really long time. Perhaps with some distance, it will tone down the transference to a point where you can actually work with your T again.