I haven't seen a T in over 3 months now. I saw one at my university's counseling center for about 2 years, but he's not going to be hired by them again this school year. I had two (well, actually three) options: I could continue on with a different therapist at my school, or I could come to his private practice if I wanted. And of course--and this is the current plan--I can just stop therapy altogether. I went through the mourning phase of losing that support I had for so long and everything, but things were fine and dandy this summer. I was out of the country almost the whole time, and my anxiety and other issues were very under control.

But then I came home, and it all hit like a tidal wave. Home kinda really sucks (angry and abusive dad/probably depressed mom problems) and I had all those reverse culture shock and major jet lag issues that made me feel completely out of whack. I was having so much trouble and feeling so crazy that I emailed my former T since he told me I could keep in contact as much as I needed. I just needed that rational voice...Every time I start to come undone, I remember the times in my life that I actually came close to not being able to function, and it scares me. I guess when you grow up so anxious all the time it takes awhile to rewire yourself, so you should expect "relapses". I just don't know if running to my T is a good solution to when I start feeling crazy...He won't be there forever. And now that I'm having problems again, I'm starting to think about asking to see my T again at his private practice...But I'm afraid that relying on talking through things with him isn't healthy and that I need to start working through these things myself. But I also think that undoing unhealthy emotions, behaviors, and thought processes that were so ingrained in you for 19 years take longer than 2 years (and a lot of that time learning to trust a T, taking steps backwards with the trust process, dealing with shame "hangovers", etc.) to work through.

Sound conflicting enough?

So when is it time to step away from therapy and "spread your own wings", so to speak? I know there's not a timetable, but where in the process is it needed to get away from that support of having a T to talk things through with?

Side note: I want to clarify that I never became dependent on my T, nor did he ever encourage that I do so. Becoming dependent is the thing I'm afraid of, hence my conflicting emotions about the whole therapy thing.