((((DePressMe))))

you are definitely NOT alone in having these thoughts!!

i don't want to scare you, but this behavor can escalate. i don't know how old you are or how long you've been cutting yourself. to illustrate my progression....for me i:

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- started tiny cuts when i was around 12 until i needed stitches once
- then began taking prescription/otc medicine to make me sick until i OD on over the counter meds
- then began burning and scratching myself until i hurt myself so badly (just recently) that i was hospitalized....

i understand the intrusive violent thoughts. i scratched up my left arm, burned my right arm and then scratched my stomach (a relatively new location to SI for me). when i started obsessing last week about scratching up my face - i knew i needed to get to the doctor! of course he hospitalized me, rightfully so! i was in for five days and my injuries are healing along with antibiotics and antibiotic cream.

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i went to my doctor today as a follow up. he is concerned that i do not have anyone i can talk to about this. i won't talk to family and i really don't have close friends. i will be seeing a T in a week. but from my doctor's concern i guess it's important to have a support network...i don't have any answers on how to go about that!!

i do really think you should tell someone, DePressMe!! someone you trust!!!! call a crisis line and ask for an opinion on who in your area you should talk to...tell a close family member....tell your doctor or therapist....tell your pastor/religious leader....someone you KNOW you can trust not to tell anyone else.

i don't ever want you or anyone else to know the horror of being completely out of control with regard to hurting yourself. it sounds like you may be quite a ways away from being in this predicament - but it's never too early to reach out for help. if it helps to explain SI to someone, use my story as an example of where you don't want to end up!!!

i apologize if this seems a little too graphic or intense for your situation or maybe it's not...i just want you to know you are NOT alone in thinking violent thoughts....it scares me to think what could've happend if i'd waited a little longer - as it is, i can cover my scars....i came so close to that not being an option!

PLEASE tell someone. you are NOT alone!!!!!