(((Parva))),

I see you are fairly new to PC, welcome to PC and the PTSD forums. What you just wrote is great, you needed to find a way to put how you feel into words, that is great and what you need to do, and I know that isn't always easy so good for you!

If you have a therapist that is so patient and compassionate like that you are very lucky and found a therapist that "knows" she has to be patient and caring because that is exactly what you need. Yes, I believe you when you say you are afraid too, ofcourse you are because you have been hurt so badly in your past. You need to learn how to trust and that is not easy so I am glad to hear you have a therapist who understands that. Don't be embarassed about what you wrote either, it's important for that to come out where you can verbalize it. Because you have a therapist that helps you feel safe, that is why you are slowly becoming able to verbalize your fears, that's a good thing you know, even though it might not feel like it right now.

Don't be too concerned about what you are remembering from your childhood as being exact or perfect, what is more important is whatever story comes out from that where you verbalize it. The important thing when it comes to healing from PTSD is how you feel challenged so it can all come out and be put out there so you and your therapist can validate that you are challenged and how you are challenged ok?

As you work through whatever does come forward and experience some of these challenging cycles, you begin to recognize that things come forward in a wave, that you need to be patient when that happens and do your best to verbalize whatever does come forward. It doesn't have to be perfect either, always remember that, it is more important to vent whatever it is as best as you can so you can identify what it's all about better. Each time this happens you will probably be tired and then experience a time where you feel a little better and can function. Make sure you try not to talk yourself down when you feel better as if whatever you experienced that challenged you should not have been important or should not have come forward the way it did. Whenever you experience these things that come up and challenge you, do your best to be patient and see what it's about and whatever way you "can" verbalize it. Will fearful thoughts come forward, yes, because you have been through some big challenges that frightened and confused you and you did not have the right help at the time. It's just time for you to work through all that and your therapist does know this, she is not going to get bored or tired of you ok?

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE