First and foremost I do love this woman and I can see myself getting married again in time. The most important thing here is that I despise drug use, I can't live with it and it would be very hard for me to tolerate it in my life. My job doesn't allow it and with my job I see the destructive powers of drug use everyday.

Marijuana is an illegal drug and for anyone to say it's not that bad and that it's ok only reiterates my beliefs and every day experiences. When you let down your morals and do something you know is wrong, you open yourself up to experiment with other things. Also, how do you ask your children to do the right thing when you yourself are doing illegal things. Kind of a bad way to parent and be a positive role model to others wouldn't you say??

My conflict here wasn't her use but if I could live with it and I chose to tell her I couldn't because of my beliefs and morals. I told her I didn't want her to choose to stop for me if it would cause issues between us later. I was willing to walk away and came very close to doing just that even though I loved her so very much.

I listened to her excuses, it's not that bad, it has health benefits??? All excuses to justify her use which she knew was wrong. You can't hide it from your kids either because they can smell it, they see the solitude you do to try and hide it. You alienate yourself. My girlfriend tried to be open and honest but she caught herself trying to hide it from me and that's when she decided that maybe she was addicted to something that had a hold on her. She was getting up early and doing it before her kids got up and felt she had to do it to function. She see's the grip it had on her which only opened her eye's.

Since my last post my girlfriend has overcome two great tests. She was able to abstain from using when with her using friends. Big hurdle there!! She was so happy to tell me she had done so well. Her next test was giving up her supple which she did this week at her friendly girlfriend garage talk time. To me that is a positive and shows me she wants to make me happy and loves me enough to give up something she knew wouldn't allow me to be a part of her life.

Are there worse things she could be doing?? Yes, but if she were doing those I would have left a long time ago. My love for her and her love towards me have helped her get a foothold over something that she has let control her for a long time. I'm just glad she see's the control her marijuana use had over her and how it was effecting her relationship with her children. I've never had an addiction so it's hard for me to truly see her struggle but I'm here to support her anyway I can. That's because of my love for her. I still struggle with the possibility that she will relapse and I've tried to prepare for that because it will happen. I want to trust her and I don't want to be kissing her just to see if she's been smoking. I have to tell myself all the time to not hope for the worst and be ready to walk away at the first misstep. That's not fair to her. I'm trying every day but to this point she has done an awesome job and I am so happy for her and love her more each day for her communication and love and willingness to try.