Thanks everyone its nice i have support here. Still feeling numb but your comments are appreciated greatly. Ill try to stay more active here too as i generally feel like i abandon this place only to visit in a month :/
I wish i could cry since writing this post as the last time i did was when i almost attempted 4 years ago. The closest I've come were watery eyes but just couldn't get a tear out. Maybe part of me just gave up during that time.

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