I'm just so tired of trying. I have been doing everything I am suppose to do. Taking my meds, handling the depression, etc. I have fibromyalgia and have been in a flare up since February. It makes my depression ten times worse,

But, I have been keeping a stiff upper lip. Doing everything I'm told to do: new diet (lost 35 pounds so far), hypnotherapy, chiropractic work, massage therapy, etc......

The pain has been getting worse in my right hip. I have now gone for blood work, a plain film xray, and EMG of my right leg, and an MRI. All tests are completely F.I.N.E.!!! Most people would be happy but I'm so angry. I want them to find something so they can fix it.

But it always comes back to "it's fibromyalgia" which has no cure and you basically learn to live with the pain forever. I had accepted this a month or so ago -started the hypnotherapy for pain mgmt and I'm enjoying it.

But after doing everything I am suppose to do and keeping a fairly good attitude - my pain is increasing. When the docs office called today to say the MRI was normal I just started to cry. I asked to speak to the doctor but he was with a patient. So the lady asks what I want to talk to him about - well if I wanted to talk to her I would have already told her right????

Anyhow - tell her the whole story of how my chiro thinks I have trochanectric bursitis in my hip and that sometimes regular physical therapy with ultrasound significantly helps. So I wanted the docs opinion and would he recommend the PT.

So now she's writing this all down - everytime she asks me to repeat the message she starts to talk when I start to talk. I'm on a cell phone so we cancel each other out. I finally get my phone number out and explain. She says, "so you already went for PT and you want what"? ARRRRGGGG - No, I want to know if he recommends PT!!

She finally gets it and says she'll give him the message. I ask if he will call me back today. She says well it's 3:45 and he'll be done with his patient by 4:15 so he will call you back today. It's now 11:26 p.m. - I guess he's not calling me back today?

I guess I just need to whine. I feel like I put all this effort into making myself well physically and mentally and for every step forward I take I go back 3 steps. Not to mention i'm going broke because all this alternative treatment with my meds and doctors visits is costing me $500 a month after insurance - I've maxed my credit cards and can't go much further.

I'm just scared that I will end up not being able to walk because I'm having so much trouble with it now and it's getting worse. I feel like I'm going to have to start going back to using a cane and I'm only 42 years old. I had a knee replacement three years ago so I could walk, and now this!

I'm sorry - I'm just so upset tonight.

Tranquility