It sounds like you don't want to give up but the fear is holding you back. Sometimes you have to move in baby steps to get to where you want to be. Don't overwhelm yourself and take each task at a time, day by day and give yourself credit for making some type of progress. I know medication can make you so lethargic you have no motivation to get up and do anything, but this is where keeping your pdoc in the loop about how you're feeling and the side effects of your meds come into play. But that want to change comes from within you, and I know you can reach your goals. You haven't given up yet, and you're not going to now.