So it's Friday night here and I'm in that dangerous place. The "I'm bored and lonely" place. It's funny that I get excited when it's the weekend but in reality it's my hardest time. I've already been to a meeting tonight and the sun is just now setting. I really have a lot to do in my home but I don't want to do any of it. I should at least fill up the trashcan with **** that is cluttering my home. There's so much ****! This time last year I was homeless because I moved out of my home while I was divorcing my husband. The thing I loved most about those days is that I had only the essentials I needed.

Before my husband moved in with his ****, that he left behind, my home was nice and uncluttered. When he left to move back to his home in another country, I agreed that I would ship his **** to him. Well it will be a year in November that he left and I haven't heard a word from him since December... I think. Everyone tells me to just toss it all but that's not something that I think I should do. I know how important some of this crap was to him at one time in his life so I assume that it still is. On the other hand if it were my crap that I loved, I would've taken it with me or at least I would have ensured it was sent to me ASAP.

I think what I should do is clean out the guest room closet and shove it all in there. That way I won't have to look at it anymore. His stuff doesn't depress me and make me miss him. It is cluttering up the house and that depresses me. What also depresses me is this feeling of loneliness. Should I listen to the recording where my T says, "listen to this when you're alone and feeling lonely." I think I will. I feel less alone when he is talking to me. I feel that there WAS one hour in my life where I mattered to someone. I'm thankful for the recordings, I just can't listen to them all the time like I want to. It's not good for me.

I'm so ****ing sad right now. So. ****ing. Sad. So. ****ing. Lonely.