Hi LostCH. Welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry to hear of the multiple tragedies you have endured. It is difficult when you feel depressed to reach out for help, but I am so glad you reached out to Psych Central. First, if possible, you need to do is get some kind of help or support in the form of a crisis support line, therapist or psychiatrist that specializes in helping gay orientation people.
Lesbian & Gay Switchboard UK 0121 622 6589
Lothian Gay & Lesbian Switchboard – Scotland 0131 556 4049
The Samaritans UK 0845 790 9090

here are other crisis lines Telephone, Hotlines and Help lines | Psych Central

So sorry for what you endured and experienced abuse as a child. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are a survivor and aiming to deal with it. But it is hard without a therapist, psych doc and guide.

Many people find the forums and the articles helpful. Here are some forums.
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.