I have things that make me angry too, in fact, there is a lot of anger that is present with PTSD. I find I get angry when "something" gets in the way of whatever I am doing, "obstacles" and have realized that I have had a lot of obstacles in my life path and the last big one was over the top and there were way too many after that too, so I am very sensitive now.

It could be that you have dissasociated for a long time and not realized it, maybe that is why you like things that got your adreneline going. I am just hypothosizing with you, maybe something I say can ring a bell, maybe not.

I liked your discription of the spagetti too. I have found that I can be triggered by something, get involved in a conversation and have this odd spagetti come up in the mix and if I have it in writing I can step back and study it "after". It's so hard to explain it to others though because most people just can't understand how someone can suddenly get caught up in responding to something that triggered them and not see it right away, or be consciously aware when whatever it is just comes out. If I am in a situation where I can see someone else doing it, I make sure I acknowledge them even if what they are saying doesn't quite fit into the overall topic. Sadly, I have seen some trigger themselves when it happens and they decide they are not fit to converse and trigger out of PC altogether. I have felt that way many times myself, and made myself keep trying, I kept saying to myself that no one really knows me and I have to see when this happens so I can work on it. I do not know "why" that happens, however, I have realized that when it does happen and I acknowledge it, it eases it so it doesn't happen "as bad" the next time that trigger happens.

I was talking to my therapist one time about something and so many other things that connected to that one thing came up, it must have been very hard for him to follow me when that happened. He stopped and said, "you see what you are doing right now?" and I said yes, are you able to follow?, and then he said, that is the PTSD and what untrained therapists/psychiatrists tend to misdiagnose as bipolar because of how your thoughts are racing like that. He could tell that I was connecting/adding in many different traumatic scenarios as if I was saying "and I can't believe this, and this and let me tell you about this and that". That is alot like the spagetti you are discribing where it's all together in a big mess.

It could be that you disassociate right now because there is such a mess you don't even have any idea where to begin. I have experienced that myself.

It's a lot of work that a lot of people don't understand, it's nice to have someone that does, it's a life saver really.