Hi. Sorry for the stress you are under to cause you to contemplate sui----. So sorry for what you endured and experienced abuse. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are a survivor and you aiming to deal with it. But it is hard without a therapist, psych doc and guide.

I cannot answer your question because I am not qualified to do so. If you are doing disability through a work program, contact HR how to apply. If you are looking for transitional assistance, contact your state offices. If you are looking for permanent disability under social security, check out the social security website under disability.

Many people find the forums and the articles helpful. Here are some forums.
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.