I'm not the type to assume that it's some perceiving of how things are. I know how it can feel as growing up I had no friends. I would make them but get stabbed in the back a lot. I never went to parties, never got invited! After high school I went with anyone who wanted to be friends only the have the same happen or I was getting used and I stupidly let it happen.

I've moved around a lot and don't have many friends but the ones I do have barely talk to me. Mainly because I'm back to living in the U.S. and they are from England. Now, I've lived in the same place for almost 7 years and don't really have anyone I could call a true friend. Nobody that I knew outside of work and the only one I did know passed away a year ago. Some of my extended family lives here but I hardly see them. My dad passed away when I was 15 and I barely get along with my siblings but we do when around my mom.

My life is different I know but I'm 36 and do find it hard to make and keep friends. I hate fake people! I can't stand them nor could I even begin to try and keep up with them.

I do have a very shy but loving BF. We don't have money nor do we really live away from his parents but we have each other. I didn't have a nice relationship till the age of 32! I married at 22 a Englishman who had many issues but the biggest issues he had was a depression and drinking. The drinking I use to use excuses that England's drinking lifestyle was different then the U.S. and now I realized that was wrong. He had a problem and one I couldn't fix unless he wanted to. I didn't want to change him I just jumped into a marriage because I wanted to. Nor do I want to change this about my life.

What does the world owe me?

Nothing, nothing that I can't work to find on my own! Money? Yes that would be nice but if that might losing my BF forget it. I mean my life has been my own making since leaving my home.

Do I deserve anything?

I don't honestly know! All I know if life sucks at times but you just have to keep going. You don't know what life holds in store.

BTW, I do really think maybe you need to find a different group of people. Lots of people are fairly open about who they are but don't let their guard down right away.

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