so i know you are venting and i hope that has made you feel better, so i am wondering if there is anything on the pro side of this relationship? i often ask people to put a pro/con list together to help visually see the cost/benefit analysis of their relationship when questioning if it is worth staying in a relationship. there is always the "but i love him", but love isnt alway enough when we are hurting so much and so miserable. we love them but we have to love ourselves, take care of ourselves and our children as well. staying together for the "sake of the children" is one of the biggest mistakes ever. Unhealthy environments, unhappy parents, tension and conflict do more damage to children then two happy healthy parent homes. Read your post again and reflect on the emotional damage it is doing for you and think about the impact this is having on your kids. It amazes me that parents think they are able to hide it from the kids, they cant. Kids want happy moms and dads - they are much easier to get along with...lol.

so think about where you really want to be, what you really want for you, for the kids, for life. if you want it to work, you will find a way to make counseling happen regardless of the funds. if you live near a college who has mft/psychology degrees, they often have free/low cost counseling programs so their students can get intern hours under their belt. state facilities usually have sliding scales. it takes a bit of work calling around, but if it is worth it to you, you can find someone who will see you at a reduced rate. take care