Hello and thank you for reading this and especially if you can offer me help and advice.

I love my wife of 24 years very much but our marriage was (is) in shambles. I had an affair with someone I met online but was just trying to find a friend. After several months it turned into something more. She is suffering from the same bi-polor, depression issues I have and we just clicked. I feel like ive fallen in love with her but i also believe ive fallen in love with her needing me and being her rock. I feel like i cannot let go of her because she will fall back into the dark place she was when we met.

On the other hand I genuinely love my wife but my guilt for disrespecting her is eating me alive inside. She and i are in couciling and I'm trying to let my friend go but I just cannot seem to do it even though she knows I want to go back home to my family. She is out tonight and I believe she is with someone and my rage is making me have terrible thoughts as well as thoughts of letting go of my wifd and getting her back to protect her. Both of these women think I love them both more than the other but the truth is I love my wife far more than my friend but I just can't seem to let her go. Not to sound conceded (because I am the farthest thing from conceded) but I have been the best friend and lover she has ever been with. I'm talking about being there for her, helping her finacially,

I a man who has no self worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, and carry so much guilt around because I always feel like a failure. My high days are average but my low days are self destructive. I'm not looking for just posative reinforcement but more some advice on how to accept my illness and cope with the low days, the guilt and my ability to more past this juncture in my life.

Thank you in advance for you reading this .