I didn't see this yesterday, Want2. I'm so sorry! I thought I'd been forgotten. Now, is that self-pity or what?

You are so right! Maybe I haven't been selfish... just childish because I want what I want? I so seldom ask for anything for myself! The child within BEGGED for just this once... and it went unheeded. The other side went unheeded, too.

No, I can't control the external. I know that. The other side is still trying. What I have to do now is like you say, find my inner peace again. It's coming... slow... but sure. Thanks go to you and a few others here. They have taken the me they see at face value and have gotten to me. It's not difficult. "What you see is what you get!"

"Unfortunately, I have not healed to the point where I am willing to risk intimacy again. I can only imagine how much more painful your grief is; with blood ties, the flesh of your flesh, your children, the grief or the love is a binding tie."

THAT is the heart of the whole thing. It seems this person doesn't want to allow me that. Yes, it's her husband... but he's my SON, my baby, I carried him within me for nine months... etc. She has the same feeling for her children... but I'm not allowed to have them for MINE?

For the last three days I've started towards the shower and for whatever reason, I haven't made it. I WILL make it TODAY! That's a promise!

Every bit of what you've said has made complete sense to me, Hon. I know you understand where I'm coming from and I know you've come a long way in your journey. You're a far different person than the one that first joined here! Watching each other struggle creates a bond, too, you know. I've taken your words and put them in my heart. I cherish them as well as you. It brings tears to my eyes knowing where these words came from in you. Thank you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants2Fly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}