Really sorry to hear you're feeling this way Toodles but it is close to what I was thinking myself, so I can identify with you.

Do you have anything that will change your thinking?
Are you staying compliant meds? If so maybe you need a change.

I never really know what to say about these feelings but all I do is keep saying "one more day" every day, it's me through a lot of rough times.

Keep posting and consider starting your own thread about what is going on for you. There are lots of people here that truly do care.