For everyone who has ever abused or been abused... or both. For anyone who has carried guilt, either deserved or not. For everyone who has ever suffered:

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to wake up and not think about things that you've done? About things that have been done to you? Have you ever wished you could let go of anger and hate? Of guilt?

I have... but no more. Not ever.

I'm not the neglected three year old I used to be.
I'm not the abused five year old I used to be.
I'm not the beaten fifteen year old I used to be.
I'm not the angry, violent, and abusive teenager I used to be.

I give up on beating myself up. I can't punish myself anymore. I learned what neglect was when I was three. I learned the meaning of hate and guilt when I was five. I met violence when I was fifteen. I let these things make me an angry and incredibly violent person.

I haven't been violent for years... more than ten... but I've carried the guilt.

I don't deserve it. I'm not a victim. I'm not anything. I'm just a person... and I love myself.

If you know me, then you know what I'm talking about... some of you, in full, understand. Thank you for supporting me through all my tough times, and for always doing the best you could to understand me.

If you feel the way I did, PLEASE look inside and see your worth... your value... and forgive yourself.

I've never been good at saying exactly how I feel about something. I have always related to music more than anything else. If there's something to go through, someone else has written a song about it, so I'll let Linkin Park say this for me.

What I've Done

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

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