So much is going on for me right now that I am having trouble keeping grounded and sane. I hate my job with a passion, I've been looking for a new one for weeks now and have had little success. I don't understand it-- I am nationally certified in my field, I was a top student in my program, and all these places say they need new employees in my career... so why won't they employ me???? Am I really that pathetic that they won't take me? I feel horrible about my body too... I am undernourished and it affects me physically, emotionally, mentally... but every time I listen to my nutritionist and start building myself up to the correct amount of macronutrients I begin to gain weight, I can tell from how my clothes fit. This is horrifically upsetting to me and it makes me relapse. My body is very bad and evil and it won't do as I want it to. I feel like I cant win-- either I starve and deprive myself and am useless as a result, or I eat and get fat. I don't know which is worse. I would never judge someone for being overweight or obese, having been obese for many years of my life, but people around here do. I feel very detached from people, and I hate it. I am afraid of people, partly because of my job dealing with horrifically rude customers all the time, and partly from some pretty negative experiences I've had throughout my life. I would like to join groups with people who share my interests, but my work hours are such that it is difficult. I want so desperately to quit my job, I am tempted to just not come in today in fact... but I need the money and it would be unprofessional to do that and leave my coworkers short-handed. My family is almost 2000 miles away, and I am excited that I am visiting them in October, but right now I miss them greatly. I need a new job, friends, good health, and to feel connected, and of course I realize that only I can obtain those things for myself. But it's not happening and I am very desperate for every one of those items. Please help.