i dont know...most of the time i like being intimate with my boyfriend....but there are times where i cannot stand myself....and part of that feeling is not wanting to expose myself to someone else...even though i am deeply in love with my bf and he feels the same....so as a way to hurt myself.....to punish myself....i force myself to be intimate even if i hate it ....and cannot stand it...my boyfriend kinda sorta realized it....but i dont think he is totally getting the idea...besides im a great actress ....i dont know why i do or..or why ive associated it at times with punishment...its a mystery...thanks for responding....