You know what, I honestly don't know anymore. I always thought it was rejection from my peers that made me this way. But now I'm wondering.

My parents were supportive, sure. They believed in me when I didn't. Told me I could do anything I wanted. But maybe they weren't there for me as much as they should have been. They both worked full time. I never saw that as a straight out rejection - to me it was just completely normal to only see my mum in the evenings and weekends and my dad on his days off. Still, it is possible that I felt rejected on a more subconcious level.

But what has really made me doubt my parents' support for me is the way my mum is acting now. I feel very let down by her. Like when I was going really bad - crying all day long, hardly leaving my house, feeling hopeless, and I was begging my parents to come visit me - my mum decided she would rather go on holiday to Curacao. (I know it was my mum who wanted to go so I am mostly mad at her, but my dad went along with it. He tells me he didn't want to go, but he still did.) And now we're talking about the next holiday and she is insisting on going to the only hotel she knows I don't want to go to. Now I know it is their holiday, not mine, and I'm really too old to be going on holiday with my parents, and I understand she wants to chose her own destination. But I'm still feeling very bad and I'm longing to get away from here for a little while. Have some fun, forget about my problems for a week. Since I don't have anyone else to go with and I'm not in any state to go by myself (I did that last year but I've gotten worse since then) going with my parents is kind of my only oppertunity. And the thing is, she said she doesn't even want to do a lot of sight seeing there so I have no idea why she is insisting on this particular place when there are plenty of other options.

Sorry, went a bit off track there. My point was, if she's acting this selfish now, maybe there are things from my childhood that I can't remember anymore but did affect me.