Don't blame your illness for your cheating. You cheat because you get away with it. Guilt or no guilt it's wrong. You are afraid your life will explode if you do the right thing but your transferring it to I can't leave because she might hurt herself taking the blame off you. Tell your wife let her make her own choice and learn to live with the consequences of your own actions. You very well could end up alone. Remember once a cheat always a cheat.