Yes, I think you make a lot of sense in what you're saying, thank you Walking Man!

I have come to realize many issues of mine are more related to my childhood in my home itself rather than the challenges the autism brought.

Your account actually sounds very similar to mine! I'm so sorry you had to experience that too, there's nothing quite like parents in a loveless marriage. I used to blame myself as being the reason they were "forced" to stay together, especially considering I was conceived by IVF. I used to ask myself why all the time - why have a baby when you hate each other? I guess I'll never know why.

I also obsessed over this girl I suppose. To me it felt like true love. I still can't understand why I have to leave people alone. I don't have a problem doing it, it just hurts me though because I seek love and acceptance.

I am very attached to my parents too, you're right, and attached to many things too, and I was attached to this girl too. I am seriously afraid of rejection, and even the slightest indifference from another person feels like full-blown rejection to me. I know I have a serious problem, and I fear for myself, what if this makes me snap or go crazy? I don't want to be one of those guys on TV on "Very Bad Men" or "Most Evil" or whatever it's called.

Shockingly, many of those men have had a similar childhood to mine. It's not so much physical or sexual abuse (I had neither), it's emotional, and in the wrong type of personality (like mine INTJ, with autism, etc. and my mind is like video clips racing always thinking 24/7) it grows and festers out of proportion until it changes the man's life. It's almost like all this stuff is buried under a layer so I can't access it to deal with it, but it comes up out of own free will when I don't choose to want it, which is never actually (I wish it will go away forever).