How do you know if you're feeling good? You might say that you just know it or feel it, but it isn't that easy for me to answer this question.

I've been in and out therapy for the last 10 years. Anxiety and mild depression. The last 1,5 years I had major depression. I had SI thoughts every day. I felt so bad. Now I have an antidepressant that works. Since I've been taking this I feel a little less bad, I don't think about SI so much and the thoughts aren't that strong. But now I don't really know how I feel (in general). Like what's my every day mood. I've moments when I feel sad, angry etc. That are moments, I know how I feel in those moments. But in between... Before these meds I was feelings very very low all the time. Now, not so low, but I'm not sure what I feel.
Life still sucks. But now I don't feel that bad anymore, so now I can work on my issues that causes the depression.

My pdoc ask what grade I would give to how I feel. 1 to 10, 10 = feeling amazing. I gave it a 3 last time. He uped my dose of Wellbutrin. I don't know what I'm going to say next time. I've been so used to feeling very bad. I don't even know how happy feels like. Can I give how I feel a 6 if I still think it's better to be dead? I don't think about SI often now, but I still want to be dead. Can you feel alright, like a 6, if you don't like anything about yourself?
I think the meds numb my depressive feelings a bit, but they can't change my thoughts.

I'm just really confused about my feelings.