I am embarrassed to even admit this anonymously on this forum. I drew the lucky card when it came to the risky behavior I would engage myself in when in a state of mania and hypomania. It's sad really. Pathetic even. I am a mother of three beautiful children. A professional who works full time. A respected volunteer and member of my community. Married to my high school sweetheart for over 19 years. And I have had too many indiscretions to even know where to begin telling you about them.

The guilt and shame is unbearable and only magnify the low when it comes. The secrecy of the magnitude to which this behavior has developed is the hardest to deal with. I need to talk, I need to 'confess my sins' to someone but, I can't risk anyone finding out. I am too embarrassed to talk to my therapist anymore about these indiscretions. I just don't know what to say anymore. Over the past 8 years they have progressed from flirtatious behavior to full out affairs. I feel like I am falling apart at the seams. My family, marriage and reputation are all at stake here. You would think that would be enough to stop me, but I just keep stepping further over that line.