Quote:
Originally Posted by A Red Panda
How, exactly, were you not allowed to develop social skills?
How exactly were you bullied?
How are people STILL actually treating you, presently. What actions and words have been said and done to you. Everything you post is always just your perceptions and trying to mind-read them.
There have been nothing concrete, at all, to justify the attitude that you have towards everyone. If you were to give one, actual, concrete thing... I'm sure you would have a lot more sympathy and understanding passed your way from people here.
A lot of us have been treated badly. And we still develop social skills, and don't spend all of our time blaming others - even when there is some seriously major people to blame!
I'll give you some examples from my own life that could lead me to have such a negative outlook. I am going to PM it to you because they are VERY easily identifiable to me.
----- PM sent with examples----
So, Shadix... with all of those examples I've given you? That's just the tip of the iceburg and examples that popped into my head very fast. And there's no physical or sexual abuse involved.
I just gave them to you as actual, concrete, examples of things that could lead to my behavior and trouble with social skills. Have they impacted me? Oh yes, of course they have. But with a lot of stubbornness I've been able to improve, and I keep going. I always keep going, even when I really, really, really want to give up on humanity.
And you know what? Guess what my perspective on people are? I still think that people are good, and I still keep taking risks. I treat every new person as if they're good, bbecause they've never hurt me. They don't deserve to have me treat and judge them as if they are the people from my past.
I refuse to place all the blame on the past - even though I don't have a SINGLE family member who actually showed any affection for me as a child. Not a single one. Is that unfair? Yes, it sure is. No one deserves to feel like that. Want to know what I did about it? I decided that as a teacher, I would openly let my students know that I love them, and am there for them. I decided that instead of being bitter (sometimes I am, I'm not perfect!!) that I would use my pain to try to help others not feel that same pain.
It's also why I keep replying to you even if you don't seem to really listen or want to change. Because I hope that some tiny part will sink in, and hope so much that you'll be able to start healing and move forward.
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Well, if I list specific things that were said or done to me by individuals, it would seem really petty and not a big deal, because if it was just one individual saying or doing those things, it wouldn't be a big deal. But what makes my experience so horrible was that it was a CONSTANT thing by LOTS of different people. Pretty much anytime I would open my mouth, somebody would say something to put me down. It was often jokes about how I smell bad, but others things too. In elementary school I was really talkative and somewhat of a class clown, but by the time I was in high school, I had transformed into the quiet kid who never talks. There were many instances, however, where I kind of warmed up to groups of people and came out of my shell. But then they would always somehow make it clear to me that they find me annoying and want me to shut up. Then towards the end of high school, my middle brother, who was much more popular than me, took up this habit of rubbing it in my face that he was more popular than me and that I was a loser whenever we got into any sort of argument. I of course could never find anything to say because he was completely right. And then there was this other instance where another guy, who was a friend of a friend that I was sitting with in class, just randomly and with a sadistic tone started telling me that my brother, who was in one of his classes, was so much cooler than me because he actually has friends and talk to people, whereas I don't. I only had that one friend in high school. And I knew him from outside of school. My other friend was not really my friend, we had been friends before, but at this point it was clear we had grown apart and he couldn't stand me. The feeling was mutual. His other friend who would hang out with us hated me with a passion. We lost contact about one month after high school.
So basically, I went to college with self esteem issues and a lack of social skills. On top of that, something snapped in me and I suddenly felt that I need to be cool and hang out with a cool group of friends and get attention from girls. But because of my lack of social skills, it never happened. I found a new group of friends and hung out with them. I had some limited opportunities to meet girls, but my low self-esteem and social awkwardness. And even though there wasn't the same kind of bullying I faced in high school, I did notice that when I did try to be social in spite of my social anxiety, people would often give off this obvious vibe that they are annoyed by me. I would assume it is just them if not for the fact that this has happened in a lot of different situations.