Could you maybe work with your T on counteracting the panic attacks? There are some great ways to do that which I learned through collaborating with my T and practice. I wonder- if you could control some of the painful symptoms you're having, it would help you gain more control and feel less stressed and more able to work on developing trust with your T gradually so you could feel safer sharing your struggles with him. Has he been trustworthy with past things you've shared?

Try not to worry about the messy room. It's supposed to be that way at your age! Once you get the panic under control and get good rest, remembering things will be much easier too. (Eden1515)