Ravenescence,
I'm really sorry that you're going through a rough time. Try if you can, to be gentle with yourself. Don't turn the rage on to yourself. Grief can spill out over everything. My son's death has affected so many areas of my life. So much is going on with you right now, i agree with Pat about finding a therapist. For me, what works is looking for a female therapist. If you have insurance, and even if you don't, most of the therapist will post what thier specialties are, like grief,marital,etc. Sometimes word of mouth is good if you know someone going to one. I've had to go through a couple of therapist that weren't for me, but when i found the one that was, she helped me more than words could say. I wish the very best for you. Don't give up.
Dorsey