I have been married for 20 years. Our relationship is very good outside of the bedroom. Trying to keep this brief; We developed a toxic routine I call "Torture Foreplay'. It starts with my husband not initiating sex, instead of me initiating instead (easy solution) I get extremely upset. Over time, my emotions have gone from crying hysterically to now having full-blown temper tantrums. Again, there's so much I am not saying because it's a very long story.

Many times I have thrown him out and went as far as getting half way through a divorce (twice). Last night, blow-out scene with temper tantrum, I threw him out. Our children are now older and in college and were in the house. Our oldest son, who is studying to be a psychologist, came into the room and sat with me until I calmed down. We talked about the confllict, but of course, I could only tell him it is an intimacy issue or a control issue.

The embarrassment and humiliation is unbelievable. My whole family knows. I have been crying and pleading for help and support for years. Yes, we have tried a dozen or more doctors-- no good results.

It is most definitely a co-morbid struggle between us both, not just my fault, not just his.

What I want to say, in hopes of maybe helping someone else is:
Listen to your emotions
I think my hysteria escallated on this one and only this one issue to show me how insane this man and what he does to me has made me. I tell my children, if someone hurts you and you can't stop them, get away from them.

So, I hope, this time, I take my own advice and be strong. This situation will never change and I am a nervous wreck from it. I deserve better. The loss of this otherwide great relationship is a tragedy beyond words.