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Originally Posted by A18793715
I know people who have been on my same dose for 15+ years. It's the only thing that helps me. I don't care that it's addictive. I don't abuse it or see how anyone can get any sort of "high" from them. It never has done anything but help me not freak out when my voices are tormenting me and I can't handle it. Or panic attacks. They're my life saver. I feel like I'm going to turn into a terrified recluse and my health (psychically and mentally) will decline at a very rapid pace. Do I should like a drug seeker if all I want is my refill so I can stay calm? I feel like doctors just dismiss me as a drug seeker but they don't have the medical files for proof. I have my webMD code so doctors can log in and see that I've been taking benzos since 2011. That it's not just a simple withdrawal process. I'm so terrified of how it feels that I'm getting more and more suicidal.
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I was on them for 30 years. It was a lot harder coming off them after being on them so long. I have turned into a recluse but I was a recluse all along anyway and I have plenty of physical problems too. Anyway, you say you don't abuse them but you drink and that makes the addiction worse. You also posted that you took 4 pills recently while drinking, which is clearly abuse.
I know you don't want to come off of them and I'm sorry you're in this situation.