Anger struggle that just doesn't want to go away. My thoughts get focused on the problem and it feeds the anger. He has said he was sorry. I wish it hadn't happened because it caused so much suffering. However , it is really my thoughts , my reviews , that are creating this pain. The events , though repeated quite often through the years, are over. I believe I need to forgive. Maybe I keep it alive to help prevent repetitive acts. Whatever it is it is hurting me and only by fallout does it hurt him. He knows I am hurting but I have stopped talking about the reasons. It points out though that one of the problems is my own fear of people and an overwhelming concern about how they think about me. Truly, I am the total last person in the world that someone should make fun of or yell at. I try so hard to do right, I fail too, I even try to look okay each day. I have a background of abuse in childhood. It was pretty severe. No doubt I am affected.