Quote:
Originally Posted by jo_thorne
Hi Chummy. I had a depressive episode around the same length as yours. I've been on meds that seem to be helping since around March or April. I've found that I started to feel better, but I can feel my brain changing a little bit almost week by week. My brain sort of felt exhausted and like it had been beaten up, and now it is starting to heal.
I have seen changes like much improved sleep, and I have gone from thinking about SI every day to rarely thinking about it. My feelings about being alive and about the future seem to fluctuate. Sometimes I think it's good, a lot of the time I'm not sure, and sometimes I find it hard to imagine the future.
I am taking my meds and going to therapy and working on trying to eat regular meals and keep a regular schedule.
I'm on disability, so I don't have a job, so I've been trying to structure my day a bit. That seems to help my mood.
Can you think of any things that you are wanting to do again or are interested in again that you weren't six months ago?
Did you have a good "baseline" personality and mood before you started having problems with depression? If you did, sometimes you can compare with that.
I'd be curious to know how good your mood has to be before your doctor decides to stop changing your antidepressant dosage. I find after a long depressive episode, it's sort of like coming home after a vacation to find that someone has broken in and wrecked your house. There's an awful lot of work to be done putting things back together.
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I don't think I'm interested in doing things that I wasn't interested in six months ago. I'm still not looking forward to going to a concert or meeting a friend.
I think the only difference is that I don't feel that bad and not thinking about si all day long. And I think therapy is getting a little bit better. I was really stuck. I would cry every time and I thought everything was useless.
It's hard to compare it with how it was before. Even before this depression got really bad, I had already been dealing with anxiety and mild depression. That started when I was about 15. I can't really remembber how I felt before. I was more or less just living in the moment. I was insecure, but I did had ''dreams'' about the future.
Now I just think it's all hopeless. I go to therapy every week and sometimes I think that maybe things can get better. But mostly I dont think it's possible.
I don't know how ''good'' I should feel for my pdoc to stop changing the dose/meds. So far this med is the only one that does something. I feel less worse during the day, I think way less about si and I fall in sleep sooner.
I don't know if this enough. I don't know if this the best a med can do for me. Maybe this is the right med and to really feel better I should keep going to therapy.
I will have to discuss this with my pdoc, but I want to know a bit what to tell him.