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sunrise said:
How would she know what is happening in your marriage and that your therapy is affecting it (whether it is true or not)? Did you or your husband tell her this? Since your mom has proven to be untrustworthy, I would not share with her any details about my therapy or how you are learning about your marriage through therapy. And I would ask my husband to also keep quiet on this with my mom.

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Good question Sunrise. She came to visit me back when I was in a critical point in therapy. I was fighting feelings big time regarding my marriage and my T. I had just googled the word transference and was confused about my developing feelings for my T. I had no one to talk to about it.

I didn't know about this forum back then. I just thought something was hugely wrong with me and I wrote him this letter (brought it to session) but ended up hinting around at what was happening with me. He was awesome about the whole thing but I was embarrassed. So, I tend to avoid people when I am at this point. My mom and husband had some conversations about how they thought the way I was acting was due to my therapy. Well, it was but in a positive sense for me and not so much for them.

I was a bit too vocal back then about some of what I was realizing and my poor T was the perfect scapegoat. It got so bad at one point with my husband and my mom pressuring me to quit that I did quit for about a few weeks. The pressure was too much. For the first time, I met someone who understood me and if he didn't, he took the time to do that. My T gets me and this is why I am a little hurt that he's caring about my moms fears...

T would ask me hard questions about how I felt about my marriage and I would try to discuss things with my husband. Instead of looking at himself, he pointed the finger towards T and said you are never going back there.

It was hard because my husband was refusing to go with me to therapy and even when he did, it was just a short time. So, I had to try to remember things T and I would talk about and discuss it later with my husband and we all know how that goes...

It was a very bad time and I thought that was all behind me. She has an agenda and I see it clearly.

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sunrise said:
Don't tell her any more. I don't think your mom should be given the opportunity to "learn" secondhand from your therapy. She's just using it against you.

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I know Sunny. I fell for this again because my brother was having major issues and I took him to my session so he could see a little bit of the process and maybe open up a bit.

Since he's gone home, apparently, this is the topic once again. My mom is just finding new ways to say, end therapy now. she doesn't want to work on our relationship, she wants her 15 minutes to try and ruin things for me with my T.

I will not let it happen anymore.

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sunrise said:
almedafan, you spend one hour a week in therapy and your mom thinks that is too much time away from your husband and son??? Again, if it were me, I would not share any details about my therapy with her. She is butting her head into places she does not belong.

If your mom asks again about attending therapy with you to work out her relationship with you, could you tell her that it can also be helpful to work on one's relationships in individual therapy, and right now you are doing individual work with your T? And perhaps she would like to find a therapist for herself in her own town so she can work on her relationships?

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Yes I can Sunny and I will tell her that. thanks for pointing me back in the right direction.

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sunrise said:
I don't think you owe your mom any kind of answer about the length or content of your therapy. Plus, it is not your responsibility to calm her fears. Just suggest she see her own therapist if she wants greater insight into her relationships and behavior patterns.

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I agree I was surprised that my T said that. I don't think he thought it through before he said it. He is not a hurtful person at all. I didn't do a good job of telling him how I felt about it either. So now I sit here until next weeks session.

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sunrise said:
Hope that isn't too harsh, but IMO your mom needs to butt out of your therapy. I think you can help her do that by not giving her any details.

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None of you are being harsh at all. I needed to read these comments, thank you!!!!!!!!