Maybe I shouldn't post here because I'm not really doing all the "right" things that you suggested. I just feel incapable of them. I'm absolutely terrified of interviews, of being judged by people... It's part of my anxiety and depression. And I'm extremely bad at even basic social interactions so networking is like this impossible thing for me. Oh, and I've always HATED how I look in a suit! I'm fat and it just looks dumb.

I don't think I'm lazy, though. I've been actively working for my parents -- I run all the errands, clean the house and cook the meals. They say they're grateful... But I still feel like a useless, broken person because I don't even know where to start looking for a job. I got an English degree because I love literature but in the real world it's not of much use. I worked as a Copywriter for a big company for 5 years and hated every minute of it, it was so incredibly boring. I know I don't want to do that again... But I don't know what else to try. And I don't think anyone would hire me because I'm 30 and have only held one job in my life, though I did two internships with the same company in college. And if I'm terribly nervous and can't even speak in the interview I don't think I have much of a chance. Plus the morbid obesity thing -- with the health craze these days they'd probably deny me just on that basis, because they think I'll be a liability.

I suppose this all means I should go work at McDonalds or Walmart or something but I just couldn't do that. I can't do a job where I interact with people -- I tried once and failed miserably.