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Sometimes these feelings come from a childhood where one or both parents denied reality and dealt with reality in contradictory ways. For example, an alcoholic parent whose behavior would be up one minute and down the next, loving one minute, abusive the next. Or a parent who changed reality or rationalized about reality, resulting in situations that made no sense to the child. This puts the child on unsure footing, and causes them to be afraid in their interactions with others. So they stand back, hold back, they feel safer in the role of observer rather than participator. They wait to see what other people will do first, so they can feel safe in their responses.

People who are raised in families where emotions were consistent, feel safe taking risks and initiating interactions with others. Sometimes we need to look at the source of our learned behavior in order to change it. A "Family of Origin" profile, where you write down all your relatives and what you learned from each one, might give you a clue as to how you arrived at this way of dealing with life.

Choices, it's all about choices.

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I can identify with your point here. It took a very long time to learn that my coping strategies (useless as they are) come from dealing with a father who had three mood changes a day and a mother who was pulverised by this behaviour.
I was with my father when he died and I watched him go without taking any responsibility for his behaviour. I could never describe in words the anger that I felt at that time, and for some years afterwards. He left a letter with some instructions about his burial. There were no words of love in it for my mother - nothing. I have never been so ashamed.

Now that was disconnection.

It is only recently that I have come to understand where my own behaviour has come from, and why I have been so insecure and distrustful throughout life. The good news is that these destructive feelings are not as big as the love that I give and get with my wife and daughter. Happy ending.

The moral? I think you can connect if the people know what your problem is, if it's out in the open and they can handle it.
It's a leap of faith.