Aww, thank you SO much for all the hugs and for the replies! I'm in tears here :') thank you for caring!

Yes, I saw a therapist for three years until I lost my job due to physical illness and couldn't afford therapy anymore. This was right around the time I'd come in contact with my grief, so the process got halted.. My therapist has agreed to remain in contact with me via emails and texts and even see me if I need it even though I can't pay her right now. Lately, though, I've started to feel like even she's getting fed up with me..

But thank you, I'm going to keep posting here and thank you SO much, IrisBloom, for reminding me I'm a SURVIVOR. So often I forget when I get into this desperate state where I feel like no one understands me - I start feeling like a victim and like there's no way out. But I've already come through SO much, I'm not going to break now!

Mindmechanic, exactly.. What I most often get is my friends telling me, 'But your parents did this and this and this for you, so it's obvious they love you!' And I'm left thinking, 'But they also did THIS which I just tried telling you about - and THAT was not love, not by a long shot!' But I guess people have their reasons for not wanting to hear someone out..